23 Things for 23 Years.

Thursday, 16 March 2017

 In four days I am going to be twenty-three. (Unless you're reading this after 20th March 2017, then I already am)

I have no idea where the time has gone, and even less of an idea what I've actually done with it, however, I have declared 2017 as my year of 'getting shit done' and the next few months will, with any luck, see the start of a brand new, positive, shiny Elly.

This is an important birthday for me, not because it's a particularly outstanding, or even very interesting age to be, but because it feels like the start of something new, and that is very exciting.

In celebration of that, I thought it would be fun to note the things that I have picked up over the years. I am, of course, not claiming to be a fountain of wisdom at the grand old age of twenty-three, but I feel through experiences good and bad, I have learned a lot in the short time I have spent on the planet. So, let's see, shall we?

1. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Even if it's the sort of opinion that makes you question how they have even survived up to this point when they clearly have half their brain missing.

2. Nostalgia can be the worst feeling in the world, as well as the best. It's so easy to cling onto, and long for past people and events, but that doesn't mean it's healthy. I have realised that by spending so much time living in the past, you can waste years missing out on the 'now' - 'the past is a foreign country, they do things differently there'

3. We are sponges. We soak up the vibes from those around us. Being aware of this makes it easier to remove ourselves from situations that are going to cause negative emotions or experiences.

4. Everything happens for a reason. I know the opinion on this is very divided, and I know if put into the wrong context it can be an incredibly ignorant statement to make, but I honestly believe that our paths are already made for us, our scripts are written, we are merely actors and actresses taking on roles. Of course, this isn't an excuse to act like a total wanker, but it is a comfort when things go wrong to know that it's part of the plan.

5. Bringing up past events in present arguments won't benefit anyone. The amount of destruction I've managed to cause dragging up things that should be left buried. People make mistakes, deal with them at the time and move on.

6. Blood and water are as thick as each other. I'm lucky to have a good relationship with my family, especially my sister, but I am also lucky to have a good relationship with my step-family, and with so many other people that I know and love. I know if I ever needed anything or anyone, I could call on every single one of them and not be let down.

7. Admit when you're wrong. I'm stubborn as a fucking mule when it comes to holding my hands up, as those who know me will happily agree. However, when I think about the amount of situations that could have been resolved quicker, or avoided altogether had I just swallowed my pride, it does put into perspective how ridiculous it is to risk everything for the sake of not saying sorry.

8. There's literally no point in worrying. I mean, tell my anxiety that, I physically have no choice but to worry about every single little thing going on in the world, but I am as aware as I can be that no amount of worrying will change anything. I am becoming a lot better at just facing situations, rather than letting them eat away at me, but it's a working progress!

9. Being polite costs nothing. It's not going to kill you to say 'please' and 'thank you,' to open doors for strangers, to put your phone away at the till, to smile at someone! Little acts of kindness go a long way, especially in the current state of the world.

10. Spend time with people that matter to you the most. We're not immortal, and we have no idea what's waiting for us around the corner. Tell the people you love that you love them, make time for them, make memories and create stories that you can tell for years to come.

11. In the words of Dumbledore 'numbing the pain for a while will only make it worse when you finally feel it' - don't ignore unhealthy situations, don't run away from problems, don't bury your head in the sand. Feel the pain of whatever it is, allow yourself to experience difficult feelings and emotions, acknowledge them and do something about it.

12. Forgive yourself. There is nothing that will hold you back more than self-loathing. I've fucked up more times than I can count, and that's fine - we're human. When I think about the amount of time I've wasted hating myself for things I've done, or even things that weren't my fault, it's honestly not worth it. Self-love is the way forward!

13. The way people talk about other people says more about them than the person they are discussing. I saw something the other day about when you spend time with someone and all they do is gossip about other people, and then ask you what's going on in your life, as if you would tell them anything now you know their an absolute gasbag. We're all guilty of a gossip, there's nothing wrong with that, but I've learned to be wary of opening up to certain people until I truly know them.

14. You really do regret the things you didn't do more than the things you did. Which is the reason I've totally turned my life around, I've had some sort epiphany that allowed me to realise I am in control of my own destiny, and I need to get shit done before I'm old and sat regretting all the things I missed out on. Already, I can think of many situations I wish I had been involved in, but avoided for whatever reasons - not anymore!

15. Drugs are shit. Like, really shit. Perhaps an unpopular opinion, not sure? However, from my experience, nothing good can come from taking drugs, and there's several people in my life that I wish I could have met years ago and told them not to touch the stuff - maybe then things would have turned out differently.

16. Understanding the difference between lust and love is very important. You'll save yourself a whole bunch of heartache by doing so.

17. Social Media is not always real life. Jeeeeeesus, the amount of times I've beaten myself up over shit on Instagram. I'm not saying that all the amazing exotic photos, expensive cars, obnoxiously shiny watches, pool parties and other aren't real or happening, but I think it's important to remember that everything isn't always as it seems, and you're doing just fine as you are.

18. There's usually a reason behind a bully. The most irritating thing a parent can say to you when you're suffering at the hands of some mouthy twat is 'they're just jealous of you.' When you're a teenager, or younger, it's so difficult to comprehend how someone would rather make your life hell, than potentially be friends. Now that I'm older(ish) I can look back at the endless amount of bullying I endured, and finally understand - and perhaps even go as far as to appreciate - that there were reasons behind their actions. When you're battling your own demons, sometimes it's easier to pass them on to other people, take back control, remove your own hurt and put it to someone else, it's something we're all guilty of, whether we want to admit it or not. And with that knowledge, I can forgive all those cretins who ruined my entire school experience.

19. Try not to be a twat. Think before you speak, think before you do, appreciate how your words and actions are going to make other people feel before you open your mouth, or raise your hands. Your moment of madness that you'll probably forget about, could impact a person for the rest of their life.

20. Don't go to bed on an argument. Bit of a cliche, but it's true. Not only does it physically and emotionally drain you, but there is just no point. See point 8!

21. Walk the fuck away. If something feels wrong, if you are unhappy, if you are drained, if you are struggling with the everyday because of a particular person or situation, then walk away. Yes, it's probably going to be difficult, it might even be the most difficult thing you'll ever do, but you were given the power of making your own decisions, you are in control of your own happiness, and you CAN walk away.

22. Never be ashamed for breaking. We all have our limits and we all have our rock bottom, some of us may have already been there, others may in the future, a lucky few may never experience it. But never, ever be embarrassed for falling apart, and never let anyone make you feel like you should be.

23. People who say 'you've changed' like it's a bad thing, are worth avoiding. We are changing constantly, every single thing that happens in our lives, every single day, impacts our character. I am not the same person I was ten years, and I won't be the person I am now in another ten years - or at least I bloody hope not.

So, there it is. Whether or not any of the above is any use to anyone, I don't know, but it feels good just to write it down. I'm now going to proceed with my birthday celebrations over the course of the weekend, grab myself a bottle or six of something delicious and alcoholic, and find out just how true number 14 is.

Elly xo

8 comments

  1. Really loved reading these Elly and completely agree with you! Gonna come back and read this if I ever doubt myself. Love you girlie ❤️

    - Chloe
    chloetommo.co.uk
    xoxo

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much! It was one of those where I hovered over the 'publish' button for a long while, but glad I've posted it. Love you! xoxox

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  2. These are such good points! It's really great that as we grow up we realise these things because it really makes life better x

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  3. Great post! These are all so true, all of them are so important but I really relate with 7, 8 and 20. Loved reading this post, great advice xx

    theassortedwriter.blogspot.co.uk

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  4. I really loved reading this post! It is so true and relatable! Completely follow you on nostalgia. Bad and good at the same time. Thanks for sharing! xx Corinne

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  5. These are great points! Number 6 Blood and water are definitely as thick as each other! I too have a step-family (step-mum) and she's been good to me

    Tasha x

    http://itsatashathing.blogspot.co.uk/2017/03/march-2017-lush-giveaway.html

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  6. Hi, great read I like points 3 & 4 we are indeed like sponges and things do happen for a reason, Chloe #TeacupClub

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  7. God I love this! Number 11 totally hit home, it's so true, it hits twice as hard when you finally feel it! And I totally agree with 23, I've experienced FAR too many of these people..

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